Liar’s Armor and Boy Bands

You can find the ever-growing list of “Better Than Nothing” items  over on the right. Read ’em, like ’em, share ’em, and comment.

Armor of Guile

Paulo laughed and laughed and laughed, wading through the attacks. Arrows splintering to pieces off of his magnificent breastplate. He cackled as the soldiers charged him, spears at the ready and almost shat himself in glee as he saw the great loping bugbear roar in frustration at how deftly the matching magnificent shield deflected his resounding blows.

Paulo had waded into their camp an hour ago and was beside himself with joy imagining the accolades he would get from the King… and the presents… the gifts… oh, the women! His was a smug satisfaction at the invulnerable splendor encasing his body… right up until his squire, an old cutpurse Paulo had pressed into service from the capitol took a moment and squinted at him. The look on the old, toothless man’s face went from curiosity to disbelief to annoyance to determination as he walked up close and put a knife through Paulo’s heavy steel gorget, mail, leather, and throat. As he bled out on the ground, the old thief spit… “lying twat”.

The armor itself is nothing so much as a lightweight scarf wrapped around one’s midsection. It offers no protection from the elements or natural hazards and is extremely fragile. However, any and all attack rolls against the wearer are made at against an AC representative of the illusion the wearer desires (and he can reset once per day). The more unbelievable and rare the armor imagined, the lower the DC Wis save to disbelieve it is real. Once per scene, a creature may have a Wis save to disbelieve the armor upon first seeing it. On a success, there is no armor, only a pale pink and green scarf (ugly at that) wrapped around the wearer’s midsection. On a failure, the armor is “real” to that person for the scene. Simple common light armor is a DC23, medium armor DC18, heavy armor DC13. Every resistance added to the armor (represented by appropriate visual effects on the illusory armor like a bluish glow for cold or skulls for necrotic) decreases the DC by 5. So, “wearing” slashing resistance heavy plate (plate with “great rounded and smoothly polished guards to deflect blades”) is a Wis save DC 8 for all creatures the first time they see it and every scene thereafter. “Taking off” the armor or putting other armor on gives all the observers a new save immediately with advantage.

The Entertainer’s Cuff

Sir Hanan sighed deeply as he watched the hobgoblins assemble a defensive position in the road. Due to some territorial dispute, the great road north had become a place of ambushes, thieves, and worst of all… hob soldiers with a prickly attitude insistent on creating security checkpoints this close to their borders. He’d been through four of these in the last months, twice it had turned to violence and today it seemed likely–based on word from the city–that this one would as well. But, that’s not why he sighed. He turned to look at his fellows, all of them quietly checking their weapons as they made their way up the road to the checkpoint. And the bard grinning like a damn fool. While the bard’s leather cuff, bright yellow and blue that it was, was useful–and Sir Hanan did not deny that–there was no dignity at all in using it. The other adventurers traded looks… if this went south, this would be particularly embarrassing… especially if they won.

System: A set of four cuffs, all matching in bright motley and primary colors with tassles and gilded grommets. They are tacky and unmistakable and in order to gain the benefits, must be visibly worn, as the colors of a travelling troupe would wear their patrons colors. Once worn and attuned, a strong riff of music (several bars, lively) causes the wearers to expend their movement automatically as they dance in perfect unison a jaunty and complex series of steps to the tune (imagine something particularly flourishing that leaves everyone posing in a different place they were standing by the end). The bard/player must make a performance roll. On a 10 or higher, everyone with a cuff gets his performance bonus (ability+proficiency+etc) in temporary hitpoints. The temporary hitpoints go away at the end of the scene.